You're so money supermarket!!!

Honestly there are some TV ads that you can't get out of your head! Whether it be the song, the audacious filmography or just a quirky saying. o doubt that they do plenty of research as to how to keep it in your head.

Well not long ago a certain TV ad found its way into Mr. N's class. I do apologise for all of the readers that may have never seen this particular ad, but when you have finished try to find it on youtube and you will et how funny it was.

So in Early Years it is massively important to use every opportunity you have both indoors and outdoors. Mr. N strived to do this and was 'over the moon' when the workmen arrived at his school to build the new building - Look at all the opportunities, the diggers, the helmets the links that could be made." So Mr. N made a point of talking about what the builders were doing and allowing the class to  imagine what the building will look like even drawing up some plans in class with the children to design there own extension.

The children were so engaged especially a child we shall call H. Every time she sat down to do some work involving the workmen she started sing "Just a little bit more" by Liberty X.

"Sexy
Everything about you so sexy"

A very grown up song - Thought Mr N.

Well this went on for a couple of days...

Then it happened!!!

 Mr. N couldn't take the curiosity anymore and just when he was about to ask there was a knock on the door.

None other than the Deputy head walked in to have a quiet word. Ominous - Thought Mr N.

"Can you have a word with a certain H in your class to stop asking the builders to dance for them!"

"Wha.. OK" claimed Mr N.

When Mr. N got to the bottom of this with H it worked out that she was calling through the fence,

"YOU'RE SO MONEY SUPERMARKET - Dance for us - SEXY, EVERYTHING YOU DO IS SO SEXY."

Here is the link for those that might not get it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jye8QUnjG10

Altogether now.

Oh the Things They Say!

Show and tell!

As you all know by now I work with younger children. This is a privilege and a delight as they will come out with the most random comments that will bring you to your knees with laughter. Before we go into our next story I think we should take a few seconds to give a little kudos to those teachers that hear these comments and have to keep a straight face throughout the day in front of a class of innocent faces.

OK now thats done let's begin.

Most will remember show and tell sessions from when they were in school. Designed to give every child a chance to show off anything they wished to, whether it be a drawing on a crumpled piece of paper to a gold plated signed and payed for life size model of their favourite disney character!

All in all this is aimed at making children proud of what they have achieved. The best however is when they bring in a trophy as the amount of pride that is present on their little faces when they say how they achieved this feat is priceless.

So our story begins on a usual Monday morning where Mr. N is once again suffering that Monday morning feeling, rushing around trying to get everything ready for his year 1 class (5/6 year olds).

As per usual there seemed to be not enough hours in the day to get everything perfect so Mr. N had very smartly organised that 'show and tell' would take place every Monday morning, giving him a little more time to get ready for the lesson (I know very savvy indeed Mr. N)

Well the 9:00am bell rang and Mr. N put on his best, most welcoming smile and prepared to face the week. The children all entered with a 'good morning' or a 'hello sir' all bringing in various items that they would like to show to the class.

Mr. N spotted his favourite item that children could talk about, a trophy!

A little girl (who we shall call L) stopped in front of him like the Road Runner (BOING!!!!!) holding her trophy aloft, 'look what I won in my Beavers group!"
"Wow this looks very interesting - I can't wait to hear all about it!" replied Mr. N.
Well she showed off her trophy to the whole class and spoke so eloquently about how she had earned this award above all others in the group. She explained that it was in the shape of a beaver as she goes to a Beavers group and this was the first time she had ever won it.



Mr. N was so proud of her that he promised she could go around the classes and show off her award later in the afternoon. L was delighted and Mr. N thought "Yet again I work my magic, when they thought they couldn't get happier in steps MR N!!!!"

THEN IT HAPPENED!!!!

L was having lunch next to the deputy head teacher, who is a very religious lady it must be said, and still brimming with pride stood on a chair in the middle of the dinner centre and shouted.

"Does anyone want to see my beaver?"

Mr. N who was helping his class get seated suddenly paled - as the deputy head went crimson.

"Now L" said Mr N "we shouldn't shout in the dinner centre!"

L replied "But I'm so proud of it, you said that I should show my beaver off to the entire school, so who would like to see it?"

THEN IT HAPPENED AGAIN!

A chant across the whole dinner centre, BEAVER, BEAVER, BEAVER!!!! getting gradually louder.

In the crescendo Mr. N was thinking "World eat me up!" Especially as The Deputy Head now looked like she was going to punch Mr. N in the face several times as recompense for this obscenity.

When all of the commotion had died down and Mr. N had spent a couple of awkward moments with the boss, the laughter in the staffroom rang out for weeks afterwards, Mr N still to this day has his very own beaver award!

Shout it out everyone:

OH THE THINGS THEY SAY!!!!

Once again if you have any funny stories that have happened at home or at school please share them or leave a comment. 

News!!!!!

OK we have all been there, on a Monday morning and wen can't think of anything that we could put on the writing table that would in any way enthuse the children to write. So we say "write me some news!" or "Write what you did over the weekend." I hated that when I was in school, I hate myself for falling into the lazy trap more than a couple of times over my career and don't blame the children for not producing their best work as a consequence.

Anyway enough of my pompous opinions!

Not so long ago there was a teacher we shall call Mr S. who had fell into the same trap. But, being a determined young man he was hell bent on making 'news' exciting. So with this sudden inspiration he strides to the library and found a book called Baloney. Now this book was named as such due to the main character speaks utter baloney! For example:

It all starts when a zimulis is misplaced. It is on a deski in a torakku on the way to szkola, and suddenly the torakku goes past! Henry grabbed his zimulis and jumped out, right onto a razzo launch pad. He opened the pordo and landed on the next razzo while it was blasting off.

Wow - how could you fail to enjoy all of that silly language? Thought Mr. S.

He read the book to the class and they loved it! They laughed and made up 'baloney' words of their own and Mr. S soaked it all in, then like a cat saw his chance and pounced!

"Could anyone think of a 'baloney' word and put it in their news?" He gave a couple of examples
I dropped my pencil became I dropped my pimputle!

The children lapped it up and instantly began to write the most strange and beautiful sentences.

THEN IT HAPPENED!!!!

One little boy called M was very excited to show Mr. S his sentence (as he normally doesn't like writing, so you can imagine how proud he was).

How great am I though Mr. S even the kids who don't want to write are loving it! GEEEEENNNNNIIIUUUUSSSS!!!

Then he read the sentence and near fell of his chair!

It read (and remember children write phonetically so it wasn't spelt exactly correctly).
"I stayed at home all weekend and played with my nob."
Mr. S "Oh M which is your baloney word?"
M "Nob!"
Mr. S "Are you sure you don't want to change that word M?"
M "I'm sure."

So then it got a little worse as Mr. S inevitably had to ask M to draw a picture of himself playing with his nob, just to find out what he meant by that word!

Then it got even worse as M drew a picture of himself playing a game with his brother, so he basically has nicknamed his brother as a knob!

I literally laughed for 2 hours straight hearing Mr. S tell this story.

Kudos to Mr S as he, even with this slight discrepancy, made news fun!

Say it together everyone:

Oh the things they say!!!!! 

A rookie mistake!!!!

My previous blogs have stated how much I love teaching students. The main reasons for this are a little cheesy like - its nice welcoming new and enthusiastic people to the profession of teaching (extend middle finger, insert into mouth and make a puking noise). So other than the obvious cheese that could be spouted one of the main reasons for enjoying teaching students is the general naivety that comes with them, which can lead to the most hilarious circumstances.

So whether a teacher or a student we have all felt nervous when getting observed by our superiors, simply because none of us truly get into the profession to mess up children's education, quite the opposite in fact!

This was happening to a very capable young man we shall call Mr. T who had spent the whole week creating a most spectacular spectacle of a lesson for a reception class (4/5 year olds). He had, in-fact, worked so hard throughout the week he was admittedly running on empty by the time the lesson came along.

After some last minute coaching from his school mentor he was ready to teach the perfect lesson. He had set up the class so well the children were transported to exactly the place they needed to be to enable them to write creatively. His tutor was so impressed she commented on it throughout the introduction.

Then it happened...

Everything that could have possibly went wrong did! The Interactive Whiteboard froze stalling the lesson and inevitably putting the children out of their stride! One child decided to vomit on the floor midway through his explanation of how to write instructions, another circumstance that understandably put the children off task.

You can well imagine what Mr. T is now thinking 'Could anything else go wrong in this God-forsaken lesson observation?' 

Answer Hell yeah!

Now Mr. T had hit a period of panic! He felt he needed the lesson to move on come hell or high water! So he started that desperate thing we all do when we are questioning the children, he started to slowly say the beginning of the answer so he could at least feel like he was teaching them something.
An example for those that don't understand
"Bobby what is two plus one?"
Bobby says "Erm!"
Teacher says "thrrrrrrr"
Bobby "thrrrrrrr!"
Teacher "THTHTHTHRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
You get the point.

Well Mr. T had begun to talk about the reading area in the classroom. He told the children that in there they may find an atlas.
"What do you find in an atlas do you think?"
He was met by the inevitable chorus of 'erms.

Now we all know that we find information about different countries, and this is all he wanted the children to say.

Has anyone figured out what he might have said to the children yet?

Thats right he dropped the c-bomb, three times! Lets relive it!

Mr T "What do we find in an atlas?"
Children "Erm!"
Mr. T "Cunt..."
Children then repeated "Cunt!"
Mr T was so nervous he didn't hear it so he repeated a little louder and slower "CUUUUNNNT!"
To which the children duly replied "CUUUUNNNT!
Mr T got halfway through the next C-bomb when he saw his mentor's purple face, his tutors look of disgust, and his teaching assistants mouth wide open in surprise!
Mr. T bravely and very red-faced finished the lesson and duly apologised to all involved.

Say it with me folks!

Oh the things they say!!!!!

I am pleased to report that Mr. T passed his teaching degree and no longer commits the same rookie mistakes. 

Learning the hard way!

Now do you remember passing notes around the classroom and sniggering with your friends? Do you remember how irate your teacher would get when they caught you? The funny thing is that they did the exact same when they were in school!

It is different now however, as we live in a digital world were a mere note can go viral in the matter of hours! Thus it is the job of every good teacher to protect children from cyber bullying and such likes through the powerful tool of education.

This was the philosophy of Miss F who is still to this day a superb teacher. She believed that instead of "firewalling" up your internet so that it is impossible to get anything done, we should be constantly teaching about how to behave online and if anything untoward is stumbled upon then you can appropriately report it.

This liberal philosophy made her a favourite among most of her students as her lessons were (and still are) adventurous and fun.

This particular story took place when she was teaching a year six class (10/11 year olds). She had introduced the wonder of QR codes to the children. Explaining that you can link these codes to pictures and videos on the web and if your very clever on private networks.
Well the children loved it, they were creating QR codes for absolutely everything, her class was a mass of black and white squares with all manner of educational opinions and resources attached for her year 6 class.

"This is going to be a daily routine!" Thought a delighted Miss F, amazed at how quickly her class had taken to it.

THEN IT HAPPENED...

Yard duty and Miss F was strolling across the yard keeping a keen eye out for juvenile behaviour.
Suddenly a fight broke out on the yard! Cue the teacher on duty! Miss F took off as quick as she could across the playground desperate to split up the fight before any lasting damage.

Now Miss F is a curvy woman who is shall we say somewhat top heavy (if you get my meaning) but this did not stop her eating the ground up like Usaine Bolt!

However, as she entered the crowd of boys, shouting for them to move aside, she tripped over her own feet and took a tumble.

How embarrassing I hear you think, well the doozy is that when she got up her blouse had completely burst open displaying... well you know what was displaying.

Valiantly Miss F still managed to split up the two juveniles who were fighting and get herself fastened and fixed for the next lesson.

That afternoon however there were a couple more QR codes than there had been in the morning, that when scanned showed a slow motion replay of Miss F bursting from her blouse with a huge POW sign at what we shall call the moment of impact right next to her red bra.

All QR codes were taken down and the whole school had a  stern telling off from the headteacher about recording devices on the school grounds.

I am pleased to say that that Miss F is still a wonderful teacher and is able to laugh about the incident. She still teaches fun and exciting lessons however she does not wear blouses for work anymore!

 Oh the things they say!

Mouse in the House!

Phobias huh? Some people sympathise, some people say "It's all in your head!" Now I am one of those people that will try to put 'mind over matter' but honestly if I climb up to the fifth rung on a ladder I get the cold sweats and basically freeze in fear, normally squealing like a small girl.

My Nan was the same with mice. She couldn't even watch Mickey Mouse without cringing and leaving the room. We (my siblings and I) were always warned about my Nan's fear of mice when we were younger. Only now I'm older and have a phobia myself do I understand what people may be going through when they are frozen in fear.

So the school had just returned from the Easter holidays, two weeks of chocolate and 'no children' the teachers were relaxed and refreshed ready for a new term (If you believe that, you'll believe anything! In this modern age of education it was more likely a week at home catching up on assessments, marking and other such endeavours! But this version makes the story more in tune with the myth of school 'holidays').

Anyway with being a Catholic school the whole term before was about 'new life' due to the resurrection of Christ. Don't worry I'm not about to preach at you, I'm just setting the scene. A plethora of wonderful activities had been undertaken, growing butterflies from caterpillars, hatching chicks, making rainbows, honestly it was magical for the children.

One activity that they enjoyed more than all the others was making lard balls full of oats and nuts and such things that birds would like to eat. Then they watched and took pictures of all of the birds that came to feed by their feeders!

Now Mrs. M had looked forward to the Easter holidays all term and subsequently when the last day of term arrived she basically threw everything into her cupboard and forced the door shut then forgot all about it.

Then it happened...

First day back and halfway through her lesson Mrs. M went into her cupboard only to discover a mouse which proceeded to run across the classroom.

Now when Mrs. M had closed her cupboard on the last day of term she didn't realise that she had squeezed in a five kilogram tub of nuts and bird feed.

So, as a teacher you always do you upmost to put the children first in everything (that is unless you have a phobia of mice). Mrs. M went sprinting down the school corridor in fear!

A day later and all had worked tirelessly to clean up the mess, the cupboard was mouse-proofed, there was not a mouse in the whole northern hemisphere that would dare go near Mrs. M's cupboard.

Then it happened again...

What Mrs. M didn't factor in to her mouse problem was the children problem. There was a particularly sly little girl (B) in her class that had observed Mrs. M's extreme reaction to the mouse.
Well we all know kids can be nasty to each other but to adults... NO!!!!

Halfway through the afternoon B screamed "MOUSE!" (There wasn't one there by the way). This triggered Mrs. M into 'Usain Bolt' mode and she shot off down the corridor.

The next day "MOUSE."

The day after the whole class had 'cottoned on.' "MOUSE."

Same reaction. After a week Mrs. M read the story of "The Boy who Cried Wolf." Hoping that this would strike a chord with the children, and it did for the most part. A week went by without any crying of "MOUSE!"

Until one day B, louder than ever screamed "MOUSE!" By this time Mrs. M had had enough and was about to give B the worst telling off of her little 'girl who cried mouses' life! Just as she took a huge breath in a 'real life' mouse ran across her foot.

Mrs. M took off like the road runner leaving a Mrs. M shaped silhouette of smoke like the Road Runner!

Time to shout the chorus like there's a mouse in the classroom!

Oh the things they say!

Thats a strange diet!!!!

Now if there is one thing that is brilliant about teaching Early Years it is the complete and utter gullible belief they have in their teachers. For instance a child in my class the other day asked me where I live! Me being a bit of a joker said "I live on the moon!" The child gave me a long look and I was expecting him to say how much he didn't believe it, but instead he took a look around the classroom and said "So this classroom is a rocket so you can get to the moon!"

Obviously this carried through into a whole new topic and we had loads of fun designing a plethora of space travelling objects. As I say, working with 3 -5 year olds is brilliant because of their gullibility and their imagination - they can be transported to places that we as pessimistic adults can only dream about.

So Mr. Y was in his second year in the job. As a RQT (Recently Qualified Teacher) he went at every teaching point full pelt, high energy teaching was his motto, as long as the children learnt through fun he was satisfied.

The nursery he worked in was beginning to introduce rolling snack-time, meaning that the children could enjoy snack whenever they wanted. Also there was a major overhaul going on in the outdoor environment, it was redesigned and plenty of equipment for the children was now available.

Now the first problem Mr. Y had with this rolling snack area was that either the children were sat there all day "pigging out" or they flat out refused to have snack because they didn't like what was there.

Mr. Y had a completely foolproof idea (Oh the folly of the young!) he would read a book to the class called Fly Burger. It was a great book, it was in the shape of a burger and every page added a different creepy crawly topping on the burger. Well the children lapped it up, they laughed throughout. "Now they're in the palm of my hand - time for the teaching point." Mr. Y thought.

He then walked his class over to the snack area and spoke about how lovely the snack is here, not like a Fly Burger, because nobody wants worms on their food. He also explained how important it was to have a try of new food because "You never know if you might like it!"

Mr. Y also had a quiet word about sharing to those children who were camped out at the snack table all day!

"I'll try my snack Mr. Y." said a spritely little boy called E.

E subsequently received a sticker and a big well done from Mr. Y. This triggered a reaction where every child in his class wanted to try snack. "How epic am I, one small activity and BOOM all children are exploring snack." Thought a very confident Mr. Y.

Later on in the day, outdoors, the children were playing in the mud kitchen (where they can make mud pies and such with different kitchen utensils). The story that was told earlier was still fresh in the children's minds and they were enjoying digging up worms and watching them squirm on top of their mud pies. Mr. Y encouraged children to move like worms, to draw worms and many more 'wormy' activities. "How amazing has this day been, thanks to my superb idea!" Mr. Y thought.

I know, I know Mr Y is beginning to sound like a self important (insert expletive)!  But honestly it was really because he loved it when the children were learning and having fun!

Then it happened...

Screams from inside the nursery, I'm talking about high pitched screeches that would make dogs howl! Mr. Y, like a cat, leapt into action, dodging in and out of children, hurdling benches and other obstacles until he arrived at the snack area.

"What is the matter?" He asked as he saw the chaos ensuing.

Nobody answered him, they just continued to screech, all except young E (who received a sticker earlier).

He was sat there with a full bowl of worms, writhing and wriggling - calmly slurping them up and chewing them slowly!

Mr. Y took the bowl off him and gently asked as he baulked "Why?"

E replied "You said to share and try new things!"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!! Thought the once overconfident Mr. Y.

Time for the chorus.

Oh the things they say!!!

I've been in this job forty odd years!!!!

Remember going on school trips when you were young? Remember the packed lunch that the kitchen would make on mass? Remember always having to hold hands with your partner and stand in a straight line? Lastly do you remember how irate your teacher would get if you flaunted the rules?

Being a teacher myself I can understand becoming irate when your perfectly safe plan is sabotaged by a fun loving child! The sad fact is that nowadays with the amount of risk assessment that needs to be done prior to the trip to keep the children safe and cover the school is inordinate. However at least once per annum there will be a school trip that will make the class teacher age at least two years by the end of the day.

Well Mr. W, an enthusiastic NQT,  thought he had solved the problem. He along with his more experienced colleagues had organised to go to a safari park. This meant that the children would be on a bus/coach, belted in and safe, and would in no way be able to break any rule! Thats right, this year nobody will be ageing with stress, everything would go swimmingly.

"Mr. W, you are a God damn GENIUS!!!!" he thought to himself.

So the school Mr. w worked in was a four form entry school, this meant that there would be four classes of 4/5 year olds on the trip, which meant the classes had to partner up on a double decker bus.

So the day began with the teachers partnering up. Now with Mr. W being a 'newly qualified teacher' he was partnered with the most experienced of the teachers in the year group - a sensible decision wouldn't you say?

So the day began - registration - "Good morning all when we have finished the register we will all try and go to the toilet!" A confident Mr . W said.

Mr. W counted all of the children 1 -25, made sure that they were all in partners to sit next to on the bus and then in a sensible line the class made their way down the corridor and out to the coach.

"I need a wee!" A little girl shouted at the back of the line.

Mr .W performed an emergency stop in the line and asked if there was anyone else who needed to 'go'.

Amazingly half of the class needed to go (even though they had only just been).

"No matter, I'm with the most experienced member of staff, the children will be belted in soon, as Dr. Pepper would say 'Whats the worst that can happen!'"

All of the children came back and got into their partners seamlessly "Are we sure we've all been to the toilet?" Mr. W asked, and was greeted by a chorus of YEAH's!

Mr. W got to the bus where he had found that Mrs T ( the most experienced member of the team) had pulled rank and put her children on the top floor.

"I thought..." Mr. W started.

"Now I'll hear none of this Mr. W, I've been in this job forty odd years..." interrupted Mrs T.

"OK no matter, carry on and have a good day with the children." thought Mr. W

All children on the bus and belted in - then Mr. W went upstairs to ask if the other class were all belted in so he could tell the driver to 'drive on.'

"I have told you Mr. W I have been in this job forty odd years, OFCOURSE THEY'RE ALL BELTED IN!" shouted a red faced Mrs T.

So on they went to the safari park. Mr. W was singing songs with his class only to have Mrs T take over and sing louder. "It's ok she's got forty odd years experience after all!" he thought. 

Mr. W then went on to tell some jokes to some children in his class, only to have... you guessed it 'the most experienced member of the team' take over again booming jokes that being honest were not even funny. "Keep calm, KEEP... CALM!!!'

Suddenly a young boy in Mr. W's class shouted "Can I have a drink sir?"

Mr. W replied "Can we wait for now until we get to the safari park when we can have a toilet brake?"
"Sensible, Mr. W, very sensible!" 

As Mr. W was saying this Mrs. T was routing through her ruck sack and pulled out two 3 litre bottle of lemonade which she duly shared out amongst her class on the upper deck.

Mr. W. asked quietly "Is that a good idea Mrs. T? There's half an hour to go on the journey!"

What do you think she said? You got it! "I've been a teacher for forty odd years..."

"OK, OK, you crank do what you want!" Thought Mr. W.

Fifteen minutes of blissfully ignoring each other went by (the most enjoyable all day as far as Mr. W was concerned).

Then it happened!!!

Screaming and shouting upstairs, Mrs T's voice booming out, shouting at random children. "HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!"

"Hold what?" Thought Mr. W.

Then it dawned on him! 6 litres of lemonade had been devoured by the class upstairs, and a bout of what could only be described as synchronised peeing was taking place. Amazingly it was about six boys that all 'did it' at the same time and no girls.

Mr. W could not keep the smug look off his face when the bus arrived at the safari park, as his class sensibly and dryly filtered into the toilets to relieve themselves.

Mrs T had a look of rage on her face, daring someone to question her forty odd years experience in the job. Mr. W was turning purple trying to hold in his laughter!

This was however short lived and as he was the only male member of staff on the trip, he got stuck with the job of changing and cleaning all of the boys.

"I don't mind but whose going to look after my class whilst I do this?" He asked.

Only to be answered by Mrs. T, I bet you can guess what she said!

"I'VE HAD FOURTY ODD YEARS EXPERIENCE, I'M SURE I CAN HANDLE A FEW MORE CHILDREN!!!"

Mr. W couldn't help himself, he'd took this all day, so he asked very politely. "There's no lemonade left in your rucksack is their I wouldn't want any more accidents!" Then turned on his heels to mop up six children!

Now the chorus does apply to adults as well!

Altogether now.

Oh the things they say!!!  

Crush on the teacher!!!

We've all been there in school, when we have a major crush on the teacher. There is a plethora of psychological reasons why many young people have major crushes on educators.The one, however,  that in my humble opinion is the main reason is that educators are safe parental figures (very freudian I know).

This seems, in my experience, especially prevalent in younger pupils and can lead to some very humorous comments as the next story will illustrate.

So Mr. N married one of the teachers he worked with Mrs. N. I know, I know marrying a co-worker! Who in their right mind eh? But thats the way it was.

All of the older children knew and respected the fact that Mr. N and Mrs. N where married however the younger children did not know so much and there was always a fuss when they found out.

Well Mr. N at the time taught a year one class (5/6 year old children). His class were a very caring bunch constantly telling him he was their favourite teacher (no doubt this happens with most classes and their teachers).

There was however one girl we shall call F who was shall we say very taken with Mr. N, she loved showing off her work to him, she would constantly rush to be sat next to him on the carpet, and most adorably she would tell anyone who would listen that she was going to marry Mr. N one day.

One day, Mr. N was walking his class very sensibly to the dinner centre when he passed Mrs. N on the corridor, he had a quick word with her then moved on. F, who was holding Mr. N's hand asked who 'that lady was?'

Mr N replied "That is Mrs . N she is my wife!"

F stopped in her tracks and pulled on Mrs. N's sleeve to get her attention.

"Hello" said Mrs. N

F - "I didn't know you were Mr. N's love!"

Mrs. N chuckled and said "Yes I'm married to Mr. N."

F replied "I love Mr. N too!"

Then she said, with an innocent smile "You have blonde hair like me Mrs N!" (I know, cute right?)

"But" she continued "mine is long and beautiful!"

Mrs. N was little taken aback but laughed it off.

F carried on keeping that innocent smile "You have brown eyes like me except mine are gorgeous and sparkly!"

Mr. N at this point started to feel a little awkward and started to move his class onwards.

F then said as she was walking away "I will wear make-up like you and I will look beautiful and then I will marry Mr. N."

"Thats enough now F!" Said Mr. N. Thinking to himself as he saw the look on his flabbergasted wife's face he said "That escalated pretty fast!" 

But it wasn't finished yet Mrs. N and Mr. N sat down for dinner that evening and began laughing at the events of the day especially the F situation.

Both were chuckling away when Mrs. N stated "Seriously tell her to back off!"

"Wha... but... how... " Mr N said then thought SHE'S FIVE FOR GOD'S SAKE!

I am pleased to say that Mr and Mrs. N are still married and very in love not only that Mrs. N is now F's teacher and they get on very well. Or at least Mr. N hopes thats the case!

Time for the chorus.

Oh the things they say!!!

The Express train!!!

I have said in previous posts how much I enjoy student teachers. Always willing to impress by going the extra mile, no job is too big for them, they will take on anything to impress potential employers!

Don't get me wrong we've all been there, I can remember a time when a school asked me to dress like a superhero and go around the playground in front of all of the parents literally in full character. What a fool I made of myself, but I would have done anything for a job at the time - and I got one so kudos to all student teachers out there.

One particular aspect that is great about student teachers is that when you give them a little responsibility they take that to the Nth degree (and to be honest they should).

Well it was on a year 1 trip (5/6 year olds) that a particular student, Mr. P, was given the responsibility of acting as a one to one for a particularly challenging pupil.

We all saw the the bounce in his step, the way he seemed six inches taller (already 6'2 you can imagine how tall he looked to my mere 5'9). His chest was puffed out with pride and you could literally see the think bubble by the side of his head "This is it, don't f*** this up and your in!"

Pep talk done Mr. P made sure he was glued to this child's (J) side throughout the whole morning - he engaged with the activities and supported J when he found things difficult, and best of all calmed him down when he began to lose his temper.

We all sat down for lunch on a grassy knoll after a busy morning of nature walking and pond dipping.

Now before we go any further it is important to say that on this school trip we went to a place that was close to the beach. So the grassy part of the trip was obviously on a field which was about 100 feet above sea level. As you can imagine it was quite a way down to the beach so it was quite a walk down a lot of stairs to the beach. However there was another way down, at the edge of the grass there was a sheer drop to the beach which all children were warned NOT TO GO NEAR!

Well halfway through lunch Mr. P was tucking into his sandwich and lost concentration for about five seconds and then it happened...

J took off at full sprint towards the high ridge that was a sheer drop to the beach.

The teacher shouted something indistinguishable - nobody knew what she said but it was full of panic and fear!

In slow motion Mr. P rose and stood tall "If you don't f*** this up your in!" then took off after J like an express train.

He gained and gained on J who thought it was a hoot getting chased by 6'2 muscle bound, adrenaline filled panicking student teacher. If only J had seen the intent look of determination in Mr. P's eyes.

J tried to duck and dive but it was too late. Mr. P was already airborne! POW!!!! I think this sought of tackle in america is called a 'sack.' One of those hits that makes the crowd take a sharp intake of breath!

The teacher ran over thinking her pupil had been basically snapped in half!

"J, J are you alright?" She shrieked.

Mr. P rolled away and stood up victorious, J hardly able to get his breath whispered, but he teacher couldn't hear so she put her ear close to his mouth.

"What did you say?" she asked shakily.

"C-c-can we do that again?"

I am pleased to say that J never misbehaved on a school trip again and Mr. P is now a very successful teacher.

Time for the chorus:

Oh the things they say!!!